Updated: Feb 5, 2019
What's wrong with her? Why does he act that way? I hear these comments or comments similar to these almost every week. It doesn't really matter if it's a leader or not. These thoughts are not exclusive to any one person or group.
I am a DiSC facilitator and one of my favorite results of DiSC is that the participant walks away knowing themselves better. It's interesting to watch the light bulb moments happen. Often participants come to class thinking that they know themselves best and that this silly (or insert any other adjective) assessment isn't going to tell them anything new. Over the last decade, I've never once had a group that didn't have one of those moments where not only do they learn or are made aware of something about their behavior, they also learn that their team isn't really keen on that particular behavior or pattern of behavior.
My role in these assessments and debriefs are to help the learner become aware AND to remind them the ONLY person you can change, is YOU.
Without fail though, is the conversation about why someone else acts the way they do. Without fail is the question, "Has my boss taken this?" or "Has, you name him/her, taken this?" You see, it's easier for us to blame someone else for our poor interactions. It's easier for our brains to say 'danger, danger,' when we deal with 'those' people. It's easier for us to wrap our heads around their behavior and not our own.
Let's be honest, though. YOU are responsible for YOU. You can only change you. You can be accountable and choose to adapt your behavior when dealing with others.
You see, we behave out of our thoughts. Covey called it Paradigm. The See.Do.Get model. We think or see with our mind's eye, then we act or behave in certain ways and we get results which can be positive or negative. The Bible says "As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he." Andrew Carnegie says "You are what you think." Behavior is a culmination of our thoughts and we can learn a lot from our DiSC assessment. How are we behaving? How does it show up? Then we can ask ourselves, "What are my thoughts around this?"
When you learn how you show up and the behaviors you display at work, you can begin to assess the thinking. These can be powerful moments. Some of my coaching clients love these breakthroughs. We uncover past thoughts that hold them back, we uncover mindsets that no longer serve them. It's only through being open to learning about yourself, understanding how you behave and then being open to uncovering these thoughts that we can grow and have better relationships with others.
It really is you. The question is, are you willing to do the work? Are you willing to stop blaming? Are you willing to be accountable to you for you? It's an exciting and terrifying journey all at the same time. In the end, it is so rewarding!